a rant about friends that are boys, not boyfriends
So I have some issues (some BIG issues) with falling for my male best friends. I'm pretty sure you all understand. So, here goes. There is this guy, lets call him Kurt, and he's been one of my close friends for over a year. He was also my first kiss and at times I wished he would become my first time. But I stopped him. I stopped him because I was afraid and now because he has a girlfriend. A girlfriend who he loves. Its just we seem to have this crazy attraction to each other and I don't know how to stop it. I can't have him because he's moved away and because he's dating someone else. I feel bad that he cheated on her with me. I feel so bad. It's not like we slept together or anything but I'd still define what happened as cheating(I see kissing/cuddling/groping as cheating). I've decided to not have that sort of interaction with him anymore because its not healthy. Ok, moving on to the next boy, lets call him Brandon. He's been one of my best friends for about 6 years. I had never thought of him in a romantic way until he brought up the subject of him having a chance with me. It caught me totally off guard but made me think about my feelings. And I love him. I love him so much(mostly platonically though also quite a bit romantically). No matter what he does I can't seem to hate him. I just want him to be happy. I can't have him because...well, we've been friends for 6 years.And he has yet another girlfriend (he's had about 6 girlfriends in the past 5 months) We can't change that. He's propositioned me for sex as well. What is it with my so called friends always propositioning me for sex? I'm a virgin, why the hell would I have random sex with them? And there are so many more boys who I fixate upon which I cannot have. I think all this unrequited love is making me nuts.